so last week I went to the #survivor dinner and I was telling the group I have a #relayforlife this Friday where i’m walking the survivor walk and hosting a #facial booth for majority of the night. I may or may not stay the whole night, depends if I have a team. it made me realize how “alone”  I am.  love my family and friends, but they didn’t personally walk In my shoes and I get ” its gone right?” a lot. 

im not sure when I really started to let this bug me, but last fall ( on way to 5 years clear) it started to really get to me. no one to talk to who wouldn’t tear up or glaze over. mom and dad wont talk about it much less consider going to one of the cancer conferences  ( even though they are about positive things and this whole experience we’ve been thinking positively, but I see where they are coming from).  and now I have relay but no team. I was invited to someone elses team in October, but I have no team. I miss the days where I had the pain but I could still hang out with people and ignore it.  now the pains gone but its like this shadow is hovering and wont go away. aches and pains now turn into, could it be back? im supposed to call my doc for blood results and I haven’t because im nervous something might show up and then I can’t go to camp.  ive been tripping more often and my mind immediately goes to, is a tumor growing in my spine causing numbness in my feet to cause my excessive tripping?  most likely its caused by not taking my thyroid meds because somehow its all connected. if I ever get up that courage to find out my blood work results from my physical, ill mention it at that time.

thankfully I have this new group I found through my fb online support group, and im now going to two different young adult survivor camps this summer :). one through “mak-a-dream” in #Montana, an #adventure camp.  another with #FirstDescents in #Wyoming – #Kayaking! I will get the opportunity to socialize, meet others who have been in similar situation and learn something new 🙂  nervous but very excited 🙂