Monthly Archives: December 2012
Post Cancer and Art Therapy
After my five months of treatment, I was considered in remission. My scans were completely clear which meant not only were the tumors gone, but the bones (which were Swiss cheese on the initial MRI) were regrown. I stumped the surgeons at my oncology center, “as the medicine wasn’t supposed to work like that”.
While in March, I will be 3 years in remission, NHL is technically still in my system, and could potentially come back at any time. I’m keeping positive though that it will remain hidden until I’m old, grey and have outlived everyone I know in spite of my medical history.
Six months after my remission declaration, I went back to school and graduated with a BA in studio art minoring in psychology. I have many thanks to give for the help of my art advisor, and teachers for the extra office hours they sat through helping me adjust back to classes after treatment. I also had good friend on campus who spent many nights helping me study, go through articles and edited all my paper rough drafts for the semester.
The chemo brain was one of my longest standing side effects; While the chemo doesn’t technically travel into the brain, (as my aunt explained to me) it does affect other cells, which go through the lungs (disrupts the oxygen) and travels throughout the body including the brain. It’s a very strong haze of confusion, like walking through a grey curtain and while hearing everything, not completely understanding or hearing anything quite right. The confusion was unbearable most days, other days I was in such a daze it didn’t bother me, very few days were clear.
That five months flew by like a blur for me. But I can assume it was a lifetime for people around me. about a month or so after my last treatment my fog started to clear, by September I felt like I was clear enough for a full schedule, but I realized soon after I was wrong.
I found that I needed to take naps and spend long hours in the library with my friend to keep up with the homework. (I bought pizza and or dinner at least once a week all semester as payment for all the help my friend gave me between her busy schedule). My “new normal” was definitely an adjustment. I was used to being busy, and now I had to take it easy, a lot.
In 2011 I started my master’s degree in art therapy and mental health counseling. I have always felt that creating art was healing, mostly stress relieving. However, my specific training in art therapy, has further proven how right it is.
Through these courses and my own personal counseling, I have finally been able to process my feelings about my experience with cancer, as opposed to just calling it a name for my pain.
Dealing with it.
I realize now how important it is to process something as extreme as having cancer, and how many ways the experience has affected who I am and who I’m working toward being.
Initial processing
Reflecting back
I have a long medical history. The most recent diagnosis however was November 2009. I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma -large b cell in approximately 85% of my skeleton. I went through 5 months of RCHOP, delivered once every three weeks through a meta port in my chest.
My initial testing was MRI, PET, CT, biopsy, lung x-rays, blood tests, stress tests and full body bone density scans. By the time I started treatment I was literally cracking apart! And was found to have a cracked kneecap, and heavy fissures in many other joints and both thighs.
I started treatment the week before thanksgiving, I had my meta port installed in the morning and started chemo right after. I had a reaction and had to return the following day, it was very stressful coming back because the chemo made me feel so drugged and woozy on top of being scared and angry and frustrated.
I took it out on my mom, who has severe anxiety and I know was only trying to help, but I felt such a loss of control I couldn’t stop. Today we are closer than ever, and I am so thankful that she stood by me during my bad days and my good days. Her and dad came to every chemo and still are there for my post treatment visits as needed. Thank you, mom and dad!